i've been thinking ...

i've been thinking a lot this week about how you measure your progression or growth, and the short answer is, 'i don't know'.  in some areas of life, it's easy ... your bank balance rises or falls, the number on the scale goes up or down, you graduate or get that promotion, you're able to run faster or further (okay, that one i'm only guessing on, but hey!), but when it comes to spiritual progression or personal growth, how do you measure that?  before coming on my mission, i felt like i was 'coasting' and lately, as i've become more comfortable in my surroundings, i've felt that i'm kind of coasting again.  we are learning and fulfilling our responsibilities with more confidence these days, even making what we feel are improvements in how things are done in some areas.  i think diane would agree that for the very most part, it just hasn't been hard.  this might be a good place to contemplate why i think for anything to 'count' it has to be hard, but that is another topic for another day!

i believe every experience we have in life is preparing us for something that lies ahead in God's grand design for us.  maybe the hard things i've done paved the way for this.  i don't know.  i'm grateful i haven't fallen apart here, but it's early yet! i'm coming to really love some of the people who cross my path.  i was concerned about my capacity to love before coming here and have been pleasantly surprised that i can, in fact, love random people!  i'm sure that sounds strange to some of you but it was a real concern of mine!  i deeply love who i love but haven't branched out a whole lot!  maybe that's one tangible way to measure progression.

we have said goodbye to 10-20 missionaries every six weeks here and it's been (mostly) sweet to see them depart but we are saying goodbye Monday night to one of the senior couples here that took us under their wing when we arrived.  although we've only seen them a couple dozen times, each time has been uplifting, inspirational and fun!  Lynne and Brent Gardner from Lehi, Utah, have made an impression on me.  i really hope she's in my life for the long haul.  they said it will get harder and harder to say goodbye to missionaries as we get to know them better and work closely with them and i am beginning to get that.  she said that missions are all about love ... love for the people, the missionaries but mostly love for the Savior.


the other day, i snapped this picture as two of the office elders were leaving to proselyte in the afternoon. they love the Savior.  they love His work.  i love their dedication.

am i doing the things that draw me closer to my Heavenly Father?  am i aware of the things i'm doing that hinder that?  diane said in her last mission, her mission president used to say to the missionaries, "if you weren't happy in your last area, you're not going to be happy in your next area.".  while being happy isn't the issue for me, i don't want to feel the same complacency here that i felt at home.  i don't want to waste this opportunity i've been given of trying to devote myself 24 hours a day for 545 days to knowing Him and understanding what He wants from/for me.  maybe the way to gauge my progression is to simply try to do the things He asks of me and then ask daily if i'm on the right path and wait upon Him for the answer.  i'll keep you posted!  love you.